Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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