does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
