Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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