before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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