When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
