I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
