i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
