Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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