There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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