Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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