we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
