Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
