Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
