I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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