Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
