you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
