my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just cropdusted the office
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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