just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
