her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
