my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
