Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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