what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
