I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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