Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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