i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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