Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
