My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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