if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
