I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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