Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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