He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
