Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
