i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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