I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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