hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think i got beer on your cat.
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