That's intense
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
