were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
