Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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