i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
