She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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