i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
