don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
