we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
