how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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