Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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