watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
