I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Let's paint friendship bongs
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
