Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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