PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
