Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.