You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is the high leading the old right now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?