can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.