that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
