we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.