i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
