I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
