Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
