Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
