he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize