That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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