The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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