break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Floor bacon is actually really good
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
