I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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