You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
