you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
