dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize